


Childhood Fantasies

by hchollym



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: HP: EWE, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Infidelity, M/M, Not Epilogue Compliant, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hchollym/pseuds/hchollym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill's feelings for Percy have never been purely platonic - even when he was too young to realize it. This is his relationship with Percy from childhood to after he married Fleur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Childhood Fantasies

**Author's Note:**

> I actually like this couple, as odd as that sounds! (Can you tell that I love Percy?)
> 
> This story is not epilogue compliant. 
> 
> This is yet another story that is cross-posted from FF.net.

Bill remembers playing pretend as a child. He and Charlie would take turns being the brave Auror while the other one had to be a Death Eater. Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny were too young to play, and even when the twins got older, they never listened to the rules or took the game seriously (something which Charlie didn't seem to mind, but it always bothered Bill. Saving people was not a joke.)

More often than not, it was Percy who joined in on their game. He followed his older brothers around like an adoring puppy, always eager to be included in whatever they were doing. He would complain every time he had to pretend to be the girl in their game, but then Bill would calmly explain that every hero needed a damsel in distress to save, and Percy would always concede as if he saw the logic in that statement.

Bill loved pretending to vanquish the evil Death Eater and save Percy from their clutches. Percy would throw himself into Bill's arms dramatically, like Bill told him he was supposed to, red-faced from embarrassment, and the action always gave Bill a warm, tingling sensation that spread through his body like wildfire. He loved feeling like Percy's hero. He didn't realize what those feelings were at the time.

It wasn't until he got older that he realized it was more twisted than a simple game of pretend. He shouldn't imagine saving Percy in real-life or having his little brother reward his heroic efforts with a kiss. He definitely shouldn't wank to the thought of his brother, hair wet and water dripping down his chest as he left the bath tub in nothing but a towel. It was sick. It was wrong.

He looked for a distraction and threw himself into school, receiving 12 O.W.L.S. and becoming Head Boy. Percy had been so proud of him for his accomplishments, and he tried to ignore the way it made his heart flutter and his stomach squirm uncomfortably.

He remembers his first kiss. The girl was pretty enough - brunette, petite, big green eyes and soft skin – yet felt nothing. It was dull and awkward, and after that, he kept imagining replacing her lips with Percy's. His brother actually had very pouty lips, though few realized it because they were always pursed, which Bill was selfishly glad for that.

He didn't want anyone else to be interested in Percy. He knew that he should be encouraging Percy's friendships and relationships, like a good big brother would, but whenever Percy's roommate Oliver would clap Percy on the back or throw his arm around Percy's shoulders, Bill saw red.

He moved to Egypt as soon as he graduated, and not just for the job. He was definitely interested in curse breaking, but more than anything, he needed to escape his feelings. If he was thousands of miles away from Percy, then he could pretend that those demented affections weren't there. Out of sight, out of mind – at least, that was his hope. And it worked, somewhat.

Over time, he was able to think about Percy less and less, but his tainted love never truly went away. He's stomach still squirmed in anticipation and excitement every time the post arrived with a letter from Percy, and he still dreamed of his brother, waking up with his heart racing and sticky from his own semen.

The worst time was when their family visited him in Egypt. Everyone stayed in the inn nearby, except for Percy and Charlie, who stayed in Bill's apartment. Bill woke up one morning to find Percy cooking breakfast in the kitchen, and everything inside him was screaming about how right it felt and how he wanted to wake up to that every day. He was so tempted to walk up behind Percy and wrap his arms around him, and it took all of his restraint to walk away. Instead, he took a cold shower and stayed under the spray of water until he was shivering and wrinkly.

He expected to live his whole life denying his sick fantasies; he was prepared for it. He wasn't expecting to find Percy standing in his doorway one night, soaking wet from rain and eyes shining with tears. He was frozen for a second before ushering him inside, and Percy instantly embraced him, burying his head into Bill's chest and sobbing. Bill swallowed, feeling warm despite the water that was seeping through his clothes.

He ran his hand through Percy's hair, making soothing sounds as he held his younger brother. He didn't know what had happened at the time, but he found out later that Percy's boss had died, and Percy was wracked with guilt. He hated seeing Percy upset, but the selfish, demented part of him was happy to be Percy's hero again; the one he turned to when he needed help. Percy finally backed away, eyes resting on the floor to avoid Bill's gaze.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice sounding hoarse and broken.

"How did everything go so wrong, Bill?" Percy continued quietly, looking up at Bill with bright eyes that were crystal blue from crying and held more vulnerability in them than Bill had seen in Percy in years. He didn't know what to say, but he wanted to take all the pain away and make it better for his little brother; his damsel in distress.

They were standing so close, and the heat was radiating off Percy and seeping into Bill's skin, despite the water that was now soaking them both, and Bill couldn't stop himself from leaning forward. He pressed his lips against Percy's, and his brother tensed, but didn't pull away. A flame of hope sparked inside Bill, so he didn't back away in horror and remorse at his actions. He kissed Percy, relishing in the feel of his darkest fantasy finally come to life. Percy's lips were soft and tasted slightly of salt from the tears that had run across them.

As much as Bill had hoped that Percy would respond, he was still shocked when his young brother suddenly relaxed and kissed him back. It was everything he had always imagined, yet nothing like it at all. Percy's kiss was desperate and needy, and Bill returned it with equal fervor. Percy needed this - needed him - right now, and Bill was more than happy to help.

When Percy pressed his body closer, Bill barely suppressed a shiver from running through his body. His erection was straining his trousers painfully, and it pressed against Percy's body as an undeniable sign of his arousal. He tangled his hand into Percy's hair, which was still soft despite being soaked, as he wrapped his other arm around Percy's torso to hold him close, afraid that if he let go then Percy would disappear and this would all have been a dream.

The reality was far better than any of his fantasies though. The world seemed to shift on its axis, and everything was spinning, but there was nothing but the two of them. It was incredible.

Afterwards, as he lay in bed with his arm wrapped around Percy, his little brother cuddled up to his side and rested his head on Bill's chest, and Bill never wanted to let him go. It was like a puzzle that you finally completed after finding the missing piece. It was so wrong, yet it felt more right than anything he'd ever experienced.

Then the argument happened between Percy and their father, and Percy had left, taking Bill's heart with him. He tried going after Percy, but his little brother kept pushing him away, and he didn't understand it. How had everything gone so wrong? He just wanted to take Percy in his arms and fix everything, but Percy wouldn't let him, and he didn't know what to do. He was crushed, and he felt lost. His deepest desire had just come true only to be yanked away from him so soon after. It was devastating.

That was the state that he was in when he met Fleur. She was beautiful, powerful, and confidant. Everything he _should_ want in a partner, and when he was with her, it hurt just a little less. But the unavoidable truth was that she would never be Percy. But he needed her, perhaps the way that Percy had needed him in his moment of weakness, and that thought hurt more deeply than anything. She was simply there.

She loved him and brought him comfort, and eventually, he did grow to love her. It wasn't the way he loved Percy, and it never could be, but it was still love none-the-less. He could even imagine spending his life with her and growing old together, as long as he pushed away the thoughts that he would rather be doing all of that with someone else. She was his second choice, and she deserved better than that, but Bill had always been selfish.

When he proposed, he tried to ignore the hollow feeling in his stomach when she said yes and the ache in his heart when she kissed him. He tried to ignore that she was the wrong person. It didn't matter though, because the right person didn't want him. Or maybe Fleur was the right person, and Bill just wanted the wrong person. It was too complicated and messy, and it didn't fit into a nice little box like he wished it did.

When Percy arrived for Christmas with the Minister of Magic, Bill felt himself tense as soon as he heard his mother say his little brother's name. He tried to stay calm and act indifferent, as if Percy hadn't ripped his heart out of his chest and left Fleur to try and pick up the pieces of a puzzle that could never truly be whole again, but Percy didn't so much as a glance his way, and it hurt. He fucked Fleur roughly that night, taking her from behind and gripping her hips with bruising force, taking out his anger and pain on her willing body, and she never complained.

His wedding day was one giant mix of conflicting emotions. A part of him was relieved that Percy didn't show up, because he wasn't sure that he could have gone through the wedding if he had. Percy sitting in the audience would have been an unshakable reminder that the person standing next to him at the altar wasn't who he truly wanted. His first choice would have been just out of his reach – so close, yet so far.

Yet another part of him was disappointed. Deep down, pushed as far inside as he could manage, to the point where he could almost deny it to himself, he hoped that Percy would show up and stop the wedding. That Percy would tell him that he made a mistake and wanted Bill back. But it didn't happen. He couldn't say he was surprised, but there was still the lingering sadness that stained his heart as he said 'I do.'

After the final battle, when their entire family had been devastated and grieving over Fred's death, the only bright spot in their lives – in Bill's life - was that Percy was back with the family. He supposed it shouldn't have been a shock when Percy showed up at his house again one night, eyes red and tears streaming down his face. Fleur was visiting her mother, so he took Percy into his arms while his little brother cried through all his guilt and grief, trying to ignore the voice in his head saying that this was where Percy belonged.

When Percy kissed him first, he didn't hesitate to respond. There was the same hurt and vulnerability that had been present before, only this time is was multiplied tenfold, and Bill still wanted nothing more than to protect Percy and make it all better. He should have stopped; should've pushed Percy away, but he was too weak to do that.

This was everything that he had been missing for the last 3 years, and he wasn't willing to give that up again. He knew it was wrong, even more so than before because he was married now. Fleur deserved better, but he couldn't bring himself to say no. How can you deny your heart's deepest desire when it is given to you freely?

The torrid love affair continued for months after that, with the exception that Bill would go to Percy's flat instead, since Fleur was usually home. He made up excuses, telling Fleur that he was spending time with his friends. He couldn't tell her that he was spending time with his family, because with so many siblings, the truth was bound to get back to her eventually.

He did tell her the truth sometimes – though not the whole truth; never the whole truth – that he was spending time with Percy, but he couldn't tell her every time, lest she suspect the truth. She was already suspicious of him, and he knew that his excuses were pathetic and flimsy, but he never had been good at lying, except to himself.

He felt sick to his stomach every time he looked into her eyes and lied straight to her face. She deserved so much better than that. He did love her; truly he did, but he would never be able to choose her over Percy, because there was no contest. But he had made a vow to her, and he couldn't break it (more than he already had) by asking her for a divorce.

It wasn't as if divorce was taboo in his family, but it was definitely looked down upon. When you made that type of commitment, you were expected to keep it, especially considering how reserved his family had been about his nuptials to Fleur and how hard he had fought to reassure them that his dedication to her was unwavering. He was a terrible person, but he wouldn't change; he couldn't. It didn't even feel like he was capable of it. Percy was his weakness, his drug, and he wasn't strong enough to stop.

A twisted part of him hoped that Fleur would cheat on him, so that he wouldn't have to feel so guilty for what he was doing to her. Then they could part on amicable terms, knowing that while they loved each other, they both loved someone else more. Yet she stayed faithful, which only added to his guilt and left him feeling hollow and alone every time he climbed into the bed next to her.

He was going over to Percy's flat again tonight, lying to Fleur yet another time. He could see the hurt and betrayal in her eyes, but it didn't stop him from being selfish. He wished he could spend the whole night with Percy, but he knew that he couldn't risk it with Fleur's suspicions. Still, he hated having to leave in the middle of the night. It always left him feeling empty and cold as he made his way back to his house. It wasn't his home, because Percy wasn't there.

He pushed his thoughts of guilt to the back of his mind, which he was getting increasingly good at, as he kissed Percy passionately. This was their time. He didn't want to think about any of that stuff during the few precious moments that they were able to spend together. Tonight was about them, for as long as Bill could escape.

...

When Bill arrived back at his house later that night, everything was quiet, and Fleur wasn't sitting in the living room waiting for him to return like she usually did. He checked the bedroom only to find it empty, save for a note on the dresser. He picked it up gently, swallowing as he read the neat, cursive hand-writing on the parchment.

"I know I'm not the only one. Goodbye William." Guilt churned in his stomach, but he couldn't deny the feeling of relief that swept through him. He never wanted her to know the truth, but it felt like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He didn't have to keep lying to her and sneaking around. He didn't have to leave Percy's in the middle of the night anymore. He could fall asleep with Percy in his arms and wake up next to him, the way he had always longed for.

He didn't know exactly what would happen with them, because they would always have to hide - their curse for such a sick and disgusting love - but at least now they had the opportunity for more. Maybe they could even move in together, pretending to just be brothers who were living together because neither was ready to settle down.

He wasn't sure if Fleur knew who his "other person" was, but he had a feeling that she did. He knew that he should be worried about her telling someone, but deep down, he also knew that she wouldn't. She was too good to stoop to such a petty level as revenge, and the thought only worsened his guilt.

Still, he would be lying if he said that he regretted anything other than that fact that she got hurt. Tonight may have been the end of one life, but it was the beginning of another – one that he had dreamed about having since before he was even old enough to understand what it meant.


End file.
